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  • Writer's pictureSemesta Cruinne

Self Portrait - August 2020

Updated: Jan 30, 2023

Untitled Self portrait of the month

While of course it is my own portrait based on how I see myself now, it doesn't have my whole heart in it, just like mostly everything else this month.

I know I have said it a few times now but no harm acknowledging, I am in pain.

It's not one thing or the other it's the rolling snowball, troubles keep adding.

Home quarantine is a huge chunk of snow. I mean, we can be grateful when we see the bigger picture but feeling so lonely, hurts. Seeing the spectrum of problems in the world, it is difficult to allow yourself to complain, so I and many people I talk to just quietly hurt. I wouldn't deny that these months have been amazing for me in other ways.

Anyway, about the painting.

There are elements of two important things lately, 1. The sea green turquoise-ish (supposed to be sapphire blue) brown bleached-blonde golden black hair color, the whole experience of it, being remembered and gifted by a friend and then patiently helped by brother, the imperfection of it and majorly feeling the feeling of belonging with the color. - All of which inspired the background.

And. 2. Thunder, my newfound liking as I keep comparing myself to clouds and it feels bad (self made negative associations) and thunder is like a digression that makes me feel like no bitch you strong, you make art be loud! Listened to Thunder by Imagine dragons a while back so like jumping and singing it at fill volume kind of head space, if you know me, you know what I mean. - So that on top.

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