'Blurred' is an artwork in which I show an interaction between a person trying to reach out to me or simply speaking to me but is not able to see or find or understand what I am saying and me. This artwork was made in 2018.
2018
There are phases and moments in which I feel unsure of who I am, what I believe in, what do I want, how do I feel or all and then when I am asked any question, I feel unable to give a concrete answer and justify it. There are times, random or not, when my view, opinion on anything is so impressionable and malleable that it feels like I have lost my own identity. It feels fluid and I feel unrecognizable, even to myself and however much I might try to stress on my brain I just don't know the answers to the questions.
I didn't name the work 'blur' cause that's a noun and makes it definitive, however this state of mind is more temporary like a verb, so 'blurred'.
2019 (Thoughts now)
I used to attempt to quickly form an answer but it only came out as gibberish. I can't tell how hard I tried to form a comprehensible response and still do when I feel I am expected to respond urgently or if in a quickly proceeding discussion I want to contribute an idea and am excited about it.
The communication process is disturbed either at the stage of making a thought or at the stage of forming it into language and speaking. Since communicating is a primal activity in human society, if it is not carried out well (which is a pre-requisite for the feeling of failure) or when there is exhaustion of doing it - one of the consequences is identity crisis. Which loops to more ill-formed thoughts and words.
I try to cope through this confusion by silencing. It's not always appreciated but it gives me more time to calm and think and speak and lesser energy is wasted. I guess, I'll know better with time.
